i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
