i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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