just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize