So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
