he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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