It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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