I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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