My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
