HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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