we made out on top of his cat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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