i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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