jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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