I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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