why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
