We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
50% drunk capacity currently
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
