all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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