I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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