Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
