I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
