i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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