If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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