He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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