Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
