so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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