Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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