What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
