I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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