Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think i have two assholes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
