Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
