I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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