Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
