Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
