Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
