Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
