5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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