My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
