So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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