my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
