i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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