Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So vagazzling was a success
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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