So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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