I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
