I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
