he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
