I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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