Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
did you just send me my own nude
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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