I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
