If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
MIDGETS
????
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The adults are the big ones right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
