I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
