No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
