Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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