i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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