I am midnight drunk by noon
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
tell me about the fingering
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
