i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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