I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dicks are not precious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
