Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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