i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
