I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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