smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
