I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
