just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
