So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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