i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
