Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize