my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
