I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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