He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
not ubering you a puppy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
