mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
