She's the barista slut.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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