Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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