Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
